Aside from the theft of pears at the beginning of the Confessions, Book VIII is the most familiar to many people because it contains the famous narrative of Augustine's conversion in the Milan Garden. As we have seen, Augustine's spiritual journey is best understood in terms of a number of small conversions which lead up to this chapter which is the climax of the Confessions as a whole. In Book VII, he experienced a dramatic conversion of the mind through the books of the Platonists, and now in Book VIII he experiences a conversion of the heart and will through the epistles of Paul.
Augustine makes it clear throughout this book that his hesitancy to embrace Christ is no longer a problem related to his intellect but to the unregenerate will: "All doubt had been taken from me that there is indestructible substance from which comes all substance. My desire was not to be more certain of you but to be more stable in you." (VIII.i.1) He was in the same condition as the Rich Young Ruler in the gospels, "attracted to the way, the Saviour himself, but still reluctant to go along its narrow paths." (VIII.i.1) Augustine describes his own inner turmoil as his mind fights against his will in terms reminiscent of Paul's struggle between flesh and Spirit in Romans 7: "The new will, which was beginning to be within me a will to serve you freely and to enjoy you, God, the only source of pleasure, was not yet strong enough to conquer my older will which had the strength of old habit. So my two wills, one old, the other new, one carnal, the other spiritual, were in conflict with one another, and their discord robbed my soul of all concentration." (VIII.V.10)
Augustine's intense inner conflict leads him into a philosophical excursus on the nature of the will since he understood the problem of conversion to be first and foremost, a problem of the human will: "The one necessary condition, which meant not only going but at once arriving there, was to have the will to go - provided only that the will was strong and unqualified, not the turning and twisting first this way, then that, of a will half-wounded, struggling with one part rising up and the other part falling down." (VIII.vii.19) It is a "monstrous situation", he contends, that the human will can control the motions of the body, but is unable to command the mind: "What causes this monstrous fact? and why is it so? The mind commands the body and is instantly obeyed. The mind commands itself and meets resistance. The mind commands the hand to move, and it is so easy that one hardly distinguishes the order from its execution. Yet mind is mind, and hand is body. The mind orders he mind to will. The recipient of the order is itself, yet it does not perform it." (VII.ix.21) Augustine concludes that his own will was divided into two: "In my own case,, as I deliberated about serving my Lord God which I had long been disposed to do, the self which willed to serve was identical with the self which was unwilling. It was I. I was neither wholly willing nor wholly unwilling. So I was in conflict with myself and was dissociated from myself." (VIII.x.22)
The internal division of mind and will that Augustine had been experiencing since Platonist philosophers had enabled him to conceive of God in terms of spiritual substance, rather than as physical matter diffused throughout the universe came to a climax in a Garden in Milan with his friend Alypius by his side: "This debate in my heart was a struggle of myself against myself. Alypius stood quest still at my side, and waited in silence for the outcome of my unprecedented state of agitation." (VIII.xi.27) In a garden scene highly reminiscent of the Garden of Eden (probably intentionally so), Augustine threw himself down under a "certain figtree" and wept uncontrollably. In this intense state of emotion the final and climactic conversion occurred: "As I was saying this and weeping in the bitter agony of my heart, suddenly I heard a voice from the nearby house changing as if it might be a boy or a girl (i do not know which), saying and repeating over and over again 'Pick up and read, pick up and read.'...I interpreted it solely as a divine command to me to open the book and read the first chapter I might find...So I hurried back to the place where Alypius was sitting. There I had put down the book of the apostle [Paul] when I got up. I seized it, opened it and in silence read the first passage on which my eyes lit: 'Not in riots and drunken parties, not in eroticism and indecencies, not in strife and rivalry, but put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh in its lusts' (Rom 13:13-14). I neither wished nor needed to read further. At once, with the last words of this sentence, it was as if a light of relief from all anxiety flooded into my heart. All the shadows of doubt were dispelled." (VIII.xi.29)
There are several significant theological points that could be made from this book and probably shaped the way that Augustine chose to tell his conversion narrative:
1) Original sin has corrupted the human will and rendered it completely unable to choose Christ apart from God's grace. Before God extends His grace to the lost sinner, he is like a corpse - completely unable to do anything about his lost situation (cf. Eph 2:1-10). Conversion is a miracle of resurrection no less than the resurrection of Christ.
2) Intellectual arguments and proofs cannot save you. Conversion is much more than simply becoming convinced of certain facts or truths concerning the life, death and resurrection of Christ. Faith has an intellectual component, but a purely intellectual faith is not the kind of faith that saves. Faith involves the heart, mind and the will - it is not purely intellectual, nor is it purely experiential.
3) Faith is a gift of God's grace that must be received. Although we often like to think of faith as a human capacity and a mere function of the will, the situation is more complex than that. In our fallen condition, we cannnot simply choose to follow Christ until we are made regenerate by the Holy Spirit. Regeneration always precedes faith although the two are intimately connected. To place faith before regeneration, is to commit the error of Pelagius (one of Augustine's primary theological opponents in his latter years) and to deny the devastating consequences of original sin on the human will.
4) "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God." (Rom 10:17) It is interesting how Augustine brings this truth to the forefront in his own conversion narrative. God often chooses to grant the gift of faith through careful meditation on His Word. In His sovereign plan He ordains both the ends and the means through which those ends are accomplished. Scripture and the preaching of the Word are the means which God has ordained to bring His elect to repentance and faith.
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